Robo Hobo Homo #018

At the Purgatory Thrift Store, the underwear and socks were a whole different issue. They were in one of many bins which contained baseball caps, knit caps, gloves, jockstraps, scarves, a few t-shirts, a women's girdle, two pairs of womens' underwear, and a cup of coffee. An empty cup of coffee. A cup of coffee that was empty when I found it.

There were several pairs of socks and underwear that were stained with the coffee. I tried to bring them to the lady who worked at the front desk but she directed me, as she had done when she saw my voucher, towards the folks at the back.

For their part, they were nicer to me, but they said that "it happens" and didn't seem to give it a second thought. They pointed me at the garbage can to throw the coffee cup (and when I found it later, the stirrer) away.

So then, holding three shirts and two pants in one hand I tried to find a pair of boxer-briefs in my size that looked like they'd been donated by someone too modest to wear them even once. I then compromised on any underwear in my size that looked like it had been donated quickly after wearing. Hey, I believe in the power of washing machines.

Eventually, I had to settle for a single pair of tighty-whities that looked like most of the wear was mechanical. The best socks they had were fifty-cents and coffee-stained, but they looked like good socks.

When I brought everything to the back to check out and they said my voucher had a bit more left on it. Tactfully, I brought up the possibility of a coat. It was a pretty chilly day. They agreed and I came back a bit later with a button-up corduroy jacket with fleece fringe.

Now, I thought fleece collars were just for show. Let me tell you, there are only, like, two body parts that feel better than your neck when they transition from exposed, cold winds to immersion in warm wool.

No, now that I think about it, it's probably every body part.

Robo Hobo Homo #017

So a while back I mentioned a voucher for me to get clothes.

I rolled into town with just the shirts on my back. No jacket. A blanket because, hey, Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy, am I right?

Those got funky quickly and I got a voucher and on my fourth day here I got to take a bus into town and cash in my voucher at the Purgatory Thrift Store. It turns out they're related to the shelter I'm staying at.

Not that it did me any favors. They were not happy to see me. Maybe it's because I wasn't moving quickly and they assumed I knew what the deal was but was stupid or maybe they were just busy.

My voucher listed pants and shirt for an interview, underwear, socks, shoes, and a belt. It took me a second to find the mens' corner. I guess that they just don't receive a lot of men's clothes. We don't usually buy much and if other men are like my friends, we just wear what we do buy into the ground. Not much of a secondary market there.

So none of the belts were better than the one I had on. None of the shoes fit my size 10EEE foot (not even close). I'm 5' 8” and 160lbs, so my shirts are as small as my feet are large. There are far more large and extra-large shirts out there than mediums for some reason. That reality was reflected in the options available.

But there were options. The pants were slim pickings as well, but I eventually found a pair that fit well, even if they were a bit sheer. They also had some light stains which weren't immediately visible under the light of the thrift shop. I chose them and a second pair with the hopes that the lights of an actual interview would be equally forgiving.

Gonna say right now, "Probably not."